The State of things in the end of 2024

So first of all, I'm just gonna say I think maybe it's time for me to use this site a little more than simply dumping my art and calling it a day. Partly to let myself have a little more freedom in how I process things, partly because whenever I get "in a mood", I start to run the character limit and that's just no good! I like being wordy and rambly! Fuck it!

Anyways for the real meat of what I meant for this to be, and that's just... the reality in dealing with how things are changing in the end of this fucked up year of 2024.

I'll be real, this year has been the single most bizarre and scary year of my life at least within the past decade. Changes with myself and mt lifestyle, changes in the internet and how I connect with people... changes in what my future could be shaped like. Some of these are exciting and cool and wonderful! I'm happy with a lot of people I met this year and spending more time with them and genuinely feeling like I can feel loved! But there's also been a lot of really scary and depressing things happening lately. There's a lot of uncertainty in the air about the status of those of us trapped in a rotten country that wants to simply see some of us die on the spot because we elected to force ourselves to suffer through a second puberty to try and find some kind of happiness being born in the wrong arrangement. There's worries about what social media and media at large is becoming and how unbearable it all is.

I guess this is all kind of why I'm here in the first place. Not gonna lie! I'm a bit on edge! I'm tired and exhausted from the doom and gloom of socmed, no matter how mucn I tried my best to curate things to avoid it, the doom and gloom of people I know going on about the doon and gloom of socmed. It's unyielding. It is infinite. I can't really blame the people I know for feeling the way they do about modern internet either. Socmed, no matter how much good it did letting me connect with most of the people I know now, directlt or indirectly, is a wretched and fetid poison that ate at my mind. Even as far back as when I was simply on tumblr. It gave me the sick hunger for validation. Being able to cast myself some wide net to try and vie for people's attention or adoration. And in truth, I never really understood why. I was never like this before, why now was I suddenly obsessed with having more people to see what I do, or to praise me for my efforts? It's... kind of become a crutch of sorts. Something for me to access to dump some small thoughts, some art, doing what I could to bang pots and pans around so that someone might notice me. When it worked, it felt nice, I felt sated for the time. But it always quickly subsided, leaving me hungry for more.

.But now the people I want to be around, the people I care about, are tired. They can't keep interfacing with media this way. They're retreating back to making their own websites or keeping only to Discord, never wishing to look at the disgusting hell of modern social media that would sooner suppress them, their loves and passions, their very identities, so that their profit margins could be risen by a fraction of a fraction. Again, I... I don't blame them. But it scares me. It scares me to know they may retreat and I may never see them again, even the some that I don't even regularly keep up with or speak often with. It's... sad. Because I don't know how to cope with the idea of just uncontrollably losing access to someone.

It's... not their responsibility though. That falls solely on me. But I can't help but feeling.

This is all I have to say at this point. It's late and I'm falling asleep typing this up. I'll write more here (not this post specifically) soon. More here soon...