Tangled up Friday

It's been a weird day for us. We got up in a rather good mood, but we still ended up shirking the one responsibility we wanted to do for ourself. We still managed to get laundry done, but a lot of other tasks we had in mind also ended up slowly getting waysided...

We wanted to look more into our options for playing games on actual hardware, and making sure we got nice clean signals from our consoles for the retrotink to deliver to our smart tv or to our capture card. But as it turns out, for our PS2, it was either buy a premade memory card on the internet and just trust it was done right, or find some blank dvd and a disc drive to burn the proper software onto it to make a soft mod on our own. We don't even have a dvd drive any longer, let alone any old blank dvds. Okay, then we'll move onto N64 stuff, right? Well everything for a clean signal from an N64 requires soldering and custom prepared parts for no less than like $50. Okay maybe we could look at Wii stuff for the day... hey wait. "HDRetrovision"? Don't we know of that bra– ah, we already own the cables. Well whatever, we'll just set up our consoles over by our tv and get a retrotink profile for each. But every time we booted up a game, we... really wanted to get hooked into something. Anything. But nothing could keep interest for some reason.

But hey, amidst all that, we got mail!

We were so excited to get these cute stickers!! We ruminated for a bit as to where to put them but... what we ultimately understand now is that we just want stickers on things now! We want stickers so badly... a sticker of lil sis, a sticker of it's logo, of our logo, of our friends and loved ones!! We never felt such a stupidly silly joy in just smothering our belongings in stickers.

Then dinner came (we have Thursdays where one of our parents gets us dinner as their treat every week) and we figured that today could be the day we could finally do the next part of our Void Stranger streams and merrily did so, having a good time of it as we always manage to do somehow.

But now we're here. Sitting in our chair. Feeling alone and not really sure what to do with ourself, having an rpgmaker horror game on our tv while we make this post.

In the back of our mind all day has just been this big burning question we still don't understand. Why is it, even with people who know and understand us so well, still talk to us and try to give us advice as if we're some neurotypical being that functions and will respond to everything the same way? We've tried to state we can't handle group calls after a certain amount of people get involved, we don't have friends to go spend in person time with, we don't have good or any control of getting ourself to do things such as exercise or eating better, or many many many other things people act like are "simple things to do". None of that is simple flr us. None of that ever has been. Not even our own flesh and blood will recognize it despite how long we've lived together.

We don't even know how to process our own question. Or why no one will recognize that... well, there's something messed up about is. And not in some cutesy romantic way.

It's exhausting.

Maybe work won't suck so much tomorrow.