Same as it ever was

Some nights I just can't help but feel trapped in an unending cycle. For a lot of things, but especially in my own feelings and processing issues.

I think one example is like how I can never see myself as important to anyone. I could never be someone's #1, I'll never be more than second banana. Even as much as I love and care for so many others, they may respond, but never quite... the same I suppose. And like, I get it, they have no obligation to and quite frankly it's something I dislike about myself even harboring any sort of thought towards such a thing. But it's still the truth either way.

I have to once again remind myself to keep myself a little distance because yet again I feel myself starting to put in more and more and more, constantly tossing everything I can into these receptacles that can't hold it all. And I get trapped into repeating this. Over and over and over.

There's plenty of other things attributing to this same feeling too. The cycles of hyperfixation into drought of interest in anything. Feeling sane enough to put my best foot forward at work to being nearly driven to tears on the regular. The list goes on.

It is, in fact, the same as it ever was.